Monday, February 21, 2011

Where have all the friends gone?

This is something that has been on my mind for quite a while. I see women both in person and my Internet friends (who are just as close and precious to me) who feel like they don't have a friend to lean on. This hurts my heart so much. When we were growing up most girls had their "BFF" the person who they told everything to, who talked with them, laughed with them and cried with them. But as we age it seems like that type of trusting caring relationship slowly gives way to another much more hurtful type of friendship. Once we cross the threshold into adulthood it seems like there is so much competition, jealousy and anger involved that we don't have relationships with our friends we have superficial and passing acquaintances.

Women seem to be locked in some eternal competition with those around them, there isn't room for caring and understanding with all of the judgement and gossip. Why would you want to tell someone your innermost thoughts and fears, how you "really" feel beyond the basic answer of "fine" if you can't trust them not to judge you? It is so sad to me.

I am in no way innocent of any of this. As much as I want to say that I am a wonderful and supportive person to everyone that I meet I know that it isn't true. I look at people and their choices and wonder why in the world would they do that? I struggle with not giving other people a chance. I try not to, but it happens.

The result of this judgement is so sad to me, women feel alone, overwhelmed, and imperfect all the time. So they pretend that everything is ok, they hide all of the hurts, frustrations, sadness, and questions. They hold things inside until they all get bigger and worse and until they feel like there is no one to turn to and no one who will ever understand.

I am blessed to have some women who I can call my true friends. I can tell them anything and they are always helpful and supportive no matter how badly I feel like I have messed things up. It is my dream that every woman could break the cycle of judgement and competition and make true friends who are there for them no matter what.


  1. Here here! I totally agree. Why can't people realize that life is too short to hold onto grudges, contempt, and anger. Let alone have room for jealousy and frustration. I have times where I get stressed out, and I have to step back and think, is it really worth all the pain and heaviness on my heart and soul to worry about this?

  2. You know Desi, I struggled with this for a while. Just recently did I findly get a break through with this same subject. First I realized that I was isolating myself and ASSUMING what people were thinking of me; basically allowing my perception of what people thought of me to be true in my mind. When I realized that and understood it takes a RISK to be someone's friend and to allow someone to be your friend, it was like the flood gates opened. Dealing with my own crap and taking those risks to be intimate with someone has led to some FANTASTIC friendships with no judgement because my friends want that too. Fantastic article babe!!


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