Tuesday, January 4, 2011

When I look in the mirror.

What do I see when I look in the mirror? Is it the way that others see me? What do I focus on that is generally looked over or ignored by others? What I do see in exaggerated proportions so that I think something isn't true?

As I start to work on resolution number 2, I am thinking about the way that I see myself when I look in the mirror and how that view is affected by mental issues. When I look in the mirror I concentrate on things that bother me, I see issues where there are none and I take minor imperfections and they become huge. When I look in the mirror I am not seeing the true picture of me, but instead I am seeing what my mind wants me to see. Unfortunately it isn't always the positive and uplifting part of my mind that has control of what I am seeing. In my mind my zits are the size of a quarter, and I weight 300 lbs. I know that this isn't true, but I have such a hard time getting past those mental issues.

So how do I start to change the way that I see myself in the mirror, what is the best way to go about this whole change in my way of thinking? It's going to require undoing years of self-depreciating and trying to live up to unrealistic standards that are shoved in the face of people everywhere. Honestly, I'm not sure. If I can figure out how to change this the possibilities are endless. What would it be like to live in a world where we don't have to worry about out daughters hating themselves and wanting to change who they are and the way that they look? What would happen? A world where there are no thirteen year olds with eating disorders, no thirty-something women who take drugs to lose weight that they don't need to lose, no men who work out until they pass out just to look like a professional wrestler. It would be amazing.

Here we are back again with the question, how do I appreciate what I have? How do I look at myself and see the good before the bad? The way that I am going to start this journey is to force myself to do that. Every morning when I first wake up I am going to look in the mirror and find something beautiful. First. Before I start to critique, and poke and pout I am going to tell myself that my eyes are beautiful, that my hair looks great, or just that for the first time in a week I woke up without dark circles under my eyes.

Will this work? I haven't got a clue, but I'm pretty sure it can't hurt. So here is to a New Year and a new me who appreciates myself.

~ DD

p.s ~ I'll get into the whole inner beauty thing another time, don't think I've forgotten what is the most important thing ;-)

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